Yeah this isn’t the monthly post. The monthly post will be here tomorrow.
It’s 3:03 am; I woke up. I am reflecting. Some ideas come to mind -
- Boredom is a privilege - I can afford to be bored. Boredom shows that I am financially stable enough to not worry about a lot of things that people otherwise might worry about. If I was here 1000s of years ago I wouldn’t be bored, I’d be trying to find food and be worried about animals that might otherwise kill me
- It’s okay to be bored - I don’t have to scroll twitter, order waffles with ice cream, watch TV, message people, look at reels, party or do anything else thats dopamine seeking.
- I have really high pain tolerance - I can run a lot, I can bang my head against problems for hours at a time to get them solved. That’s a good thing. I just need control over my brain where I can tell it “it’s okay to be bored”, “go easy” and then choose “what to go hard on”.
- If I have ADHD its a gift - Admittedly this is self diagnosed & based on what people have told me. My dopamine seeking. My way of talking where I juggle multiple thoughts in my head, my constant task switching, being called scattered brain in the past; all of this can be explained if I label myself as ADHD. I’m not going to. I don’t need meds; I think there’s a lot of creativity and good that comes(& can come) out of this brain that I wouldn’t be able to do otherwise. I just need some discipline. I need that part of me that says “don’t go”, “don’t go” and when it has to “go”. I just need more self control. As a kid this was easy. As an adult who lives on his own and is financially secure; it isn’t.
- I should write more - I’ve been told that I am good at telling stories. I am good at painting a picture. I do have thoughts. Maybe instead of ordering waffle with a scoop of vanilla ice cream; I can just write.
- I obsess about things - This is very related to my high pain tolerance. I can go “at it” solving a bug even if I don’t care about the problem underneath just because
not doing so won’t let me sleep and I want to win. As a kid while preparing for TCS IT Wiz; I’d go hours on an end reading & digesting information about tech. I ran 30k last week; having only run 22k tops because I can just “go”. Quoting Eminem from his song Legacy
I used to be the type of kid that would always think the sky's fallin' Now I think the fact that I'm differently wired's awesome ‘Cause if I wasn't, I wouldn't be able to work words like this And connect lines like crosswords And use my enemy's words as strength To try and draw from, and get inspired off 'em
- I can worry less - This one comes from Victor. Everything’s going to be alright. We’ve come a long way. We’re fairly stable now. The worst case isn’t bad.
- I should meditate more - I believe this will help me build more discipline. I believe this will help me sit with myself and be bored without doing dopamine seeking. I believe this will allow me to say “don’t go”, “don’t go” or “go” when I should
- If you’re going to try go all the way - I don’t look like a long distance runner if that means anything. Yet, I can run pretty far. Come back home and run again. I’ve been getting decent times without thinking much about nutrition or preparation. On the other hand I actively sabotage my nutrition, sleep & health as I seek dopamine. What if I went all in on running? How fast can I run in September? Surely this would take away time from other “nicer” pursuits - like writing, work, going to the gym, any side projects. Yet I can go a lot further & faster if I just eliminate some of my dopamine seeking
- I need to learn how to delay gratification more - I do this while I am running but I still get takeaway for every meal as I am too lazy to cook. Let’s cook more.
- 5h of screen time isn’t healthy - especially if most of it is on Twitter. Run more. Read more on Kindle. Make more side projects. Work more. Write more. Play the drums. Write and perform standup comedy. Simply sit with yourself and do nothing.
It’s 3:22 am now. I shall sleep.